Dear Diary? Or Is It Music To My Ears?

I never used to think I was a "dear diary" type girl. I used to attempt it a lot when I was stumbling through my youth, but never quite found it satisfying enough. I wanted my diary to be a sort of best friend/support system that I could divulge all my dark secrets to. Really, I don't think I had any secrets to tell, and if I did, I probably told them to everyone I knew. I'm not sure how juicy finding out that I had a crush on some hottie in my Advanced Biology class really was. I guess in 1997 it was a big deal to me. Even though I do have some journals strewn about with two or three pages that are covered in my illegible scribble, I have found a medium that has provided a much deeper insight into my thinly veiled soul... the mix tapes and CDs I had concocted over the years.

I used to be in love with making music mixes. I was so into them in fact, that I wrote a speech for a class about mix tapes and scored extremely high on it. After the advent of the CD-burner I graduated to the mix CD, but the process for creating both lit a fire in me that to this day, I can't seem to duplicate with another form of creativity. Today, of course, if I make a mix (and I haven't in some time) it will inevitably take form of the glorious iTunes playlist.

I have a method to these mixes that I feel as if it comes from somewhere intrenched inside of me. Usually the mixes are created about the emotion I happen to be feeling at the time. I tend to begin each mix with something dramatic, that off the top any listener can figure out the theme of the entire mix. I usually don't intend my mixes to have a theme per se, but the end result always illustrates exactly what I had been feeling. A message definitely comes across - well to me anyway. There was something so magical and pure about dreaming up a linear musical illustration sewn together by similar cadences or tone. When a good mix is complete the end result almost feels like a well rounded orchestra.

As each note of the orchestral concoction unfolds, my being tumbles out before me like an acrobat jumping alive in a Cirque du Soleil show. I have insight into myself that I never thought that I would before. Sometimes, these mix CDs are so juicy in their content in relation to what I was feeling, that I'm transported right back to where I was. It's exhausting, exhilirating and enthralling all at once. It's the epitome of a good read - a tombe in essense of myself.

I'm glad I thought to delve into the trenches of myself through music, and can't wait to turn on my iTunes to bust out a playlist (not CD anymore, unfortunately). Yet, somehow, I think it helped me find me again. Hopefully I'll even find some new tunes will get to become the part of my own personal soundtrack. I can't wait to discover them now - and when I revist them in the future.